Please TRY to have a decent jersey.
I realize not everyone can afford an authentic, but there are affordable replicas that are not made out of T-shirt material, and have the actual team logo and colors.

Jerseys are SUPPOSED to be big.
There is nothing more ridiculous than seeing a jersey stretched to the near breaking point by a beer gut.

Do not tuck your jersey in, or wear a belt over it
It's not a shirt; it's a jersey. There is a difference. Trust me.

Things jerseys should NOT be worn with:

• Any pants besides jeans
• Cowboy boots
• Shorts, especially those that are shorter than your cheap fake jersey
• Skirts/dresses

Which brings us to the special section, just for the "ladies"
Please try to remember that you are at a sporting event, not a nightclub. There is no place for cocktail dresses, high heels, sequins, or rhinestones at a hockey game. Sure, you look "cute" now, and I bet you'll be REAL cute once the pneumonia sets in.

Also, some people at the game are actually there to SEE it, so try to keep your prancing in and out from your seat to a minimum.

That rule applies to everyone.
Here's a tip: Buy all your snacks and goodies before the game, between periods, or from the guys in the stands. Or bring them from home, just like you do when you go to the movies. If you have a bladder the size of a thimble, think about that before you get that large Coke or third beer. If you just can't be without a beverage, try Depends. Believe it or not, the people around you get sick of getting up every five minutes to let you out. Which brings me back to the fact that every time YOU get up, I miss some of the game.

Your mom was right.
You do make a better door than a window. News flash- I can't see through you, so keep moving.

No, my boyfriend did NOT buy my tickets
Why is it so hard for people to understand that some girls are fans without relying on a boyfriend? (Of course I wouldn't complain if my boyfriend did cough up for the tickets every year…) Believe it or not, I'm enough of a fan to buy my own tickets every year, and I don't like hockey just because my boyfriend does.

That's MY seat, pal.
You have a ticket. It has a section, row, and seat number printed on it. SIT THERE! That is your very own personal seat for the game. Trust me, my seat is NOT where you think you're sitting. I've had these seats for two years, and I think I would have noticed I was in the wrong spot by now. But hey, if you want to argue, fine. I've got a lot of pent up bitterness just waiting for release, and I'll be more than happy to share it with you.

If so much makes me nuts, why go at all?  Because I love the game, that's why. And I will be there when my Stars bring Lord Stanley's Cup home.

Lisa Loewecki